Happy Halloween!

Hmmmm? What's that? It's not Halloween?

You know...if I had my druthers, Halloween would be every day!

Since you asked so nicely, I'll tell you why. (don't think I can't hear you on this side of the computer)

It's because I get to capture pictures like this:



Ah Janice. Ever the rock star. These photos are from several years ago and we all went to a neighborhood block party. For the life of me I can't remember what I dressed as. Probably a pirate.


And now, meet Maxi Padwell.



Maxi has been to several events over the last couple of years, but I must say her inaugural Halloween was priceless.


And then we have the lovely Kristi dressed as Amy Lee.



Hey Kristi...I said I was going to be posting EMBARRASSING pictures. Not sexy ones. So knock it off.


Let's move on to the following year's Halloween. At least, I think it was the following year.







I know what you're thinking right about now. You're thinking, "Why in the world are they doing that weird 'sexy pose thing' in that hallway?". I'll tell you why.

I have absolustely no idea. Seriously! No clue. But look I did it too!




Ok, and on to the final year of Halloween pictures I found on my old hard drive.

After I stopped doing "Pirate" for every Halloween the only option really left open to me was "Gothish". Since I don't plan ahead and all.



Whew! Someone needs to blend a little better!

This was our first attempt at the Crow. He was pleased enough with it that he's used the costume for two more years.

This is the Preston that makes me die laughing. I LOVE this!




And where did he get the glasses you ask?



I think I probably just sacrificed my friendship with Steph for that last photo. I hope you all are happy.

Steph? Don't hate me. Larry? Feel free.




Now for some reason I do not have pictures of everyone that was there with us that night. I'm sad about that. I must get better at capturing ALL the costumey goodness.

For example, I missed Emo Chris. And I didn't get a picture of Janice except for this:



Janice, I'm sorry that I didn't get a better pic of you. But check out the goldmine in the background there. What I was originally focusing on.

That's right my friends. THAT is the Crow raising the roof.

No Laughing Matter

Dear Coca-Cola,

When redesigning a product, it is wise to test said product before releasing it to the general public. Your new 20 oz. bottle design is severely lacking when it comes to one very important function.

Opening it.

The new cap design is shorter and smoother. Thus, it is very difficult to get the proper torque needed. And for those of us with handicaps (hey, I broke my wrist and it's never been the same), your new design is more than just frustrating.

It causes a Coke related emergency.



I'm not playin' around here. This is serious business.

Please don't make me do this again.

Sincerely,

A Frustrated Coke Drinker

A conversation through text message...

These texts have been reproduced in their entirety. No embellishment was added because none was needed.

P: Morning, dear. Sleep well?

Me: Yeah just not enough of it. I'm gettin too old for this. How are you?

P: Had a weird dream that would make a funny movie.

Me: Oh yeah? I want to hear about that! :)

P: "Attack of the cannibalistic Republican spider people"

Me: Ewwwwwwww! I think I'll skip that movie!

P: Do Republicans scare you that much?

Me: Lol. Funny funny. It's the spiders and you know it! :)

P: They don't look like spiders, they just wrap their liberal prey in cocoons to eat later!

Me: Lol! You seriously had this dream!!?

P: Yeah, it was pretty scary at the time, but now I think it's funny!

Me: Hilarious! So would you mind if I blog about this particular string of texts?

P: Go ahead, and I'm going to talk to Eric W. and Scott T. about the idea!

Me: awesome! I know someone else out there has to think this convo is as hilarious as I do.


I can't make this stuff up people.

How I Saved the World - Part II

For over two years I've believed the world to be safe from Evil Samurai Crickets.

Last night my dream of a peaceful existence, free from hoards of Evil Samurai Crickets, was shattered.

The following is a true account of what transpired one early fall night in my basement.

After more than three weeks of a packed schedule, I had more than enough laundry to keep me occupied for several days. I was completely exhausted but knew it had to be done and dragged my tired body to the laundry hamper. I gathered a load of dirty clothing and clicked the front door closed behind me. The ominous chill raised bumps on my bare arms but I attributed it to the fact that fall had finally decided to make an appearance instead of the warning that it was.

I carefully placed one tired foot in front of the other. Each step ached as I made my way down a full flight of steps to the entry of the basement. When I reached the basement door I used the archaic key to turn the lock. As the mechanism retreated into the door it made a loud 'snick' that echoed in the empty hallway. With a loud squeak I wrestled the door open and my eyes attempted to adjust to the gloom of the basement.

And then I heard it.

The ancient language that I had hoped to never hear again. A language feared by young children and seasoned warriors alike. It was the language of the Evil Samurai Crickets and it assaulted my ears in a wave of unintelligible horror.

In an instant I knew that an entire army of Evil Samurai Crickets were waiting for me at the bottom of those unassuming basement steps. The cacophony was deafening. I knew they were here to destroy me. I knew they were here for revenge. And I was completely unprepared.

The electric glow of the bare bulbs blinded me temporarily when I flipped the switch. My hope had been to frighten them off but their voices didn't falter. As my vision cleared my ears were assaulted by what could have only been the taunts of my enemies. Although I did not speak their dark and evil language I knew that they were screaming their challenges at me. My past victory was nothing to them.

With white spots dancing in front of my face I looked to the bottom of the stairs. It was as I feared. No less then seven Evil Samurai Crickets were staring up at me...the tension palpable as they waited for me to make a move. Their hate radiated off of them in waves. I could feel the heat of it and the atmosphere nearly crackled with the barely contained energy.

It was purely coincidence that I had my trusty Samurai blade Phlip Phlop with me that night. And blind luck that I had its mate Theong Sandile. I carefully set my laundry on the steps in front of me. I would only have one chance at a diversion. One chance to distract my enemies enough to give me an advantage. The seven Evil Samurai Crickets were edging closer to the bottom of the steps. I knew my time had run out. With a fierce cry I upended the laundry basket down the stairs and lept into the air.

With just the tips of my fingers I was able to grasp onto a ceiling beam and flip myself over the seven Evil Samurai Crickets. The laundry had entangled two of them but the other five were already following my graceful arc through the air. As I landed softly on the balls of my feet, the soreness forgotten, the five Evil Samurai Crickets launched themselves at me. Their razor sharp legs flailed at lightning speeds and it took everything I had to protect myself with my dual blades. Arms and Evil Samurai Cricket legs blurred in this high speed dance of life and death as I spun and parried and thrust and defended. Suddenly, without warning, a gash was opened on my upper arm. One of the five Evil Samurai Crickets had made it through my defenses.

I screamed my defiance, smashed his head and did a mighty leap over the remaining four Evil Samurai Crickets. I hung in the air for what seemed like forever, targeting the two Evil Samurai Crickets that had been entangled in my laundry trap. Their heads were just breaking out of the top of the pile when Phlip Phlop and Theong Sandile snuffed them out.

I whirled around to face the remaining four Evil Samurai Crickets. Each heartbeat pounding through my veins was magnified and my breath burned in my lungs. But they were not going to give me a chance to rest. The four Evil Samurai Crickets launched themselves at me as one, screams of rage pouring from their Evil Samurai Cricket mouths. I dodged them and skipped across the tops of the dryers. I had to gain the advantage! With an amazing twist I landed behind them.

And before the remaining four Evil Samurai Crickets knew what had happened, my twin Samurai blades came smashing down upon them. The seven Evil Samurai Crickets had been vanquished. I wiped the stinging sweat from my eyes and surveyed the carnage. Razor sharp legs twitched in the electric glow but these evil beings would no longer threaten the world.

I gathered my laundry but left my enemies as a warning to any other Evil Samurai Crickets.

I had learned my lesson. I must remain vigilant in order to keep the world and its population safe from a threat it doesn't even know about...

The icing on my cake.

How about a reenactment for you today? A few have asked what got me so down in the dumps yesterday, and while this is only the crowning moment of a spectacularly bad day, it was the only thing I could illustrate very well here.

As any good reenactment should, names and places have been changed to protect the innocent. However, the situation has not been changed to protect the idiot victim. (psst...that's me)

Let's begin.

This is our victim's car in a parking lot.



Imagine, if you will, that this parking lot belongs to a large bulk super-store type place. See? There is the entrance right there.



Also, lets imagine that this parking lot is much larger with quite a few more cars in it.



And yes, they DO all look the same.

Shove it.

So there our scene is set.

Picture in your head a beautiful sunny afternoon. Our victim had a couple of errands to run and the first one was to check tire prices at this local store. Our victim got into the store before realizing she had forgotten to write down the tire size. And so the victim headed back to her car.



As our victim traipsed back across the parking lot she had no idea what was in store for her.



Our victim hopped in the driver's side seat and popped open the glove box.



After writing down the tire size, our victim neatly put everything back in the glove box and closed it.



Our victim hit the lock button and stepped back out of the car.



As she swung the door shut, the world seemed to slow to a molassian* pace . Something wasn't right.



The door clicked shut and our victim's vision was immediately sucked to the front seat of the vehicle.



What was that in the front seat?

Oh look! You can see me in the reflection! Hey can anyone tell what kind of camera I use?



Oh right. ehem. Sorry, back to our story.



There, lying neatly on the front seat of her newly locked vehicle, were our victim's keys.

Let me repeat that.



Her KEYS.

Please pay no attention to:



Our victim's car get's vacuumed on a regular basis. If by regular you mean biannually.

But that's not the point now is it!?

Let me repeat.



However, this story ends better than it could have. At this point it was very possible for our victim to break down into tears. Or into a raging bout of curses only fit for the saltiest sea dog's ears.

It would have been completely logical for our victim to run screaming around the parking lot like a crazy person.

Or to try and break in the car herself.

Luckily, a hero of a locksmith came to our victim's rescue. And now she owes him a HUGE favor.

*whether or not the word molassian is truly a word or not is beside the point. So you just hush. You knew what I meant.

This post deserves no title.

In the midst of Pirate Fest...how about some randomness for you. It's been a while since I've been random.

Stop it. Yes it has been.

HEY! I. Said. Shut it.

Anyway.

Spent a few days in KC a couple weeks ago. Remember how I said I was taking my camera everywhere I went now? Uh yeah. Well, I guess that just means to work and the wineries.



Stopped by Les Bourgeois on the way home. It was a beautiful evening.

I just couldn't seem to drag the camera out all weekend.



But the vineyards were so pretty in the setting sun.



Not that I was really able to capture it very well here. Photography class anyone?

Oop. There I go with the photoshop again.



So, next bit of randomness.

Take a look at what I did the other day. Can you tell what it is?



No, it's not a medieval torture device.

Here's a little bit more of a clue.



I taught myself how to knit with double pointed needles the other day. I had some time to kill at lunch.



Seems I have a lot of time to kill on this job. Or at least more time to kill on any other job I've had. My boss likes to give me 'jobs' to do that only seem to require me to sit and watch the real workers do their thing.



So this is how I pass the time. It's very constructive of me.

And, for the last bit of randomness, because I can't leave you with all that structured nonsense up there, here are a couple of photos that have no relevance to each other whatsoever. Wow. 'Whatsoever' actually doesn't trigger the spell check. Who knew?



Most of these have been shown on this site before...in one form or another.



They've all just been slightly more modified this time around.



Ok. Some more than just 'slightly'.



Leave me alone. I'm going to go nurse my Photoshop addiction now.

If

I stole a fun little meme from another blog I occasionally read. What IS a meme anyway?? I mean, I know that it is typically a list of questions to answer or a silly quiz, but where did the name come from? And how in the heck are you supposed to pronounce it? Ohhh. Ok, check it out if you were curious too. If not, well...then don't. It's your choice. Live your life in complete intellectual darkness. Hey, it's no skin off MY back.

Anyway. I don't usually do these, but I liked the idea behind this one. It's called the 'CD Cover Meme' and it's fun! Here's the deal:

"The CD Cover Meme group has only three rules: (1) The first article title on this random wiki page is the name of your band, (2) the last four words of the very last quote on this random quote page is the title of your album, and (3) the third picture here, no matter what it is, will be your album cover."*

*The picture thing is a bit more complicated than that. It takes a bit more tenacity to find one that is not 'all rights reserved'. What you need to do when you get to the flickr page is:
1. Click on the third picture
2. Scroll down and look on the right hand side of the page.
3. Look for the copyright. It will say either 'all rights reserved' or 'some rights reserved'
4. If it says 'all rights reserved', back up and click the reload button
5. Repeat 1-4 until you find one that is 'some rights reserved'

Now, I'm certain that we have all been guilty of posting pictures that are technically 'all rights reserved' in the past. I know I have. But since flickr allows us to see this information easily...well, there is just no excuse.

There ARE photos you can use...it just takes several minutes of clicking to find one that works.

In any case, on to the results. If I were a rockstar...



This band name totally speaks to me. It reminds me (in length at least) of a little band Kristi and I will someday start called The Fuzzy Armadillos and the World Symphony Orchestra.

To give proper recognition for the photo, THIS is the talented person that took the original shot.

Alright guys. Have fun with this if you choose to do it. (and you don't have to have Photoshop...use this as an excuse to try GIMP)

Let's Play Jeopardy!

The answer is:

Seven degrees below zero.


Don't forget...you must answer in the form of a question.

Properness

As previously mentioned, the temperatures during the early part of January were quite balmy in relation to how they should have been.

With the temperatures returning to more "normal" levels this week, I figured it was only fair to show everyone how proper feet should be attired in St. Louis during the month of January.

However, most people don't like a random stranger photographing their feet. You could get labeled as a 'pervert' or 'freak' or some other such name. Not that I've ever attempted to do that or been called those things. And today was not the day to start.

Because of the above listed reasons, I was only able to use my feet as an example. And for those of you that do NOT know...my feet are anything but proper.

Case-in-point:

Take a look at those shoes. I mean, they're in despicable shape. You would think I could have taken the time to at least Photoshop some polish on the toes. But hey, they do have ONE thing going for them. They're the 'inside out' version of Steph's. (don't ask)



But THIS just takes the cake.


Again, for those of you that DON'T know, I rarely (if ever) wear matching socks. The only time they match is when the planets are aligned, the stars stop shining, karma reverses itself, and...well, you get the idea.

I also do not set out to make any specific combinations. As long as they are the same weight and close to the same length, I will wear them together.

Today's combination tickled me though. Funny how one foot managed to get the black and white sock and the other foot managed to get the most colorful sock in my drawer. As if my feet are polar opposites. As if they spend the day in constant argument or debate.

Of course...there are always two sides to every coin.

I have NO idea what that means. Just nod your head and make that 'mmmmHMMMM' noise. People will think you're smart.

Trust me.

And I promise to stop posting pictures of my feet on this site.

Scouts honor.

WHY?!?

Why? This question is most likely going through your mind after viewing the above picture. Some of you might even be asking "What in the...?". Both of these are perfectly logical questions my friends. I'll answer the second one first.

What are they? Technically speaking they are temporary dreadlocks made from either synthetic material or wool. They're dyed in a variety of colors that could be a natural hair color or something far more funky! They can then be attached to hair by way of braiding or weaving in (like any other 'permanent' hair extension) or by way of elastic hair ties or combs. So. There you are. I've answered the 'What?' question.

Now for the 'Why?'...

The majority of you are most likely thinking "Why in the world would someone attach weird multi-colored woolly things to their heads??". They're definitely attention grabbing and, for most people, more than weird looking. But this is not the 'Why?' I'm asking myself. My 'Why?' is:

"WHY do I want some of these!?!"

Seriously...I want some. I have no idea why. I mean, where would I wear them?? I don't go out dancing much anymore, don't participate in any strange anime/live role playing/goth groups, don't belly dance (they're huge with the belly dancers), and didn't even dress up for Halloween this year! (although that last is going to change next year, mark my words!)

But inexplicably...I want some. Here are a few pictures of some I have run across and really like.

This one is one of the crazier falls...very full...but I like the colors even though they wouldn't really be appropriate for my hair color. They can be found at Cleo Wolfus Designs' Etsy shop.



Here is a view from the back.



And from the same designer:

*you can't see the elastic bands...but I'm pretty sure they're there. And I love the braided ends to cover where you've put them in your hair.



This color combo is, without a doubt, my favorite.
These are from SomethingDread.Full's Etsy shop.


Seriously. These make my fingers creep toward my wallet. They make me want to email her and ask if she'll hold them for me till Friday. They make me want to buy a new wardrobe so I can have excuses to wear them. (by the way, there are actually two in the set...) I mean, imagine these with my hair!

I don't know why. And if someone can answer my 'Why?' question, I would be extremely grateful.

However, for the following picture...I'm right there with the rest of you on "WHY?!?"

*that's from exoskeletoncabaret's Etsy shop. Wicked cool photography and wearable art...

Ok. Now that I've told you about some weird desire that I have...it's YOUR turn.

Wait. Maybe that's not such a great idea... I take it back. I don't want to know.