No Laughing Matter

Dear Coca-Cola,

When redesigning a product, it is wise to test said product before releasing it to the general public. Your new 20 oz. bottle design is severely lacking when it comes to one very important function.

Opening it.

The new cap design is shorter and smoother. Thus, it is very difficult to get the proper torque needed. And for those of us with handicaps (hey, I broke my wrist and it's never been the same), your new design is more than just frustrating.

It causes a Coke related emergency.

I'm not playin' around here. This is serious business.

Please don't make me do this again.


A Frustrated Coke Drinker


Oregon - Part 2

Welcome back bad photography fans!

Hmm...maybe I should re-word that. Like, "Welcome back fans of bad photography!" That would be more clear right? Otherwise you might think I was calling you both bad AND a photography fan. And I wouldn't want to be confusing.

Right. So. Alternate titles to this post anyone? How about:

"Does your camera enhance the yellow or are you shooting through lemon pie?"
"Getting the knack of catching people with strange looks on their faces."
"Can you find the focusing point?"

The terrible pictures didn't stop at the coast. I took terrible photos all through this Oregon trip. It was as if I forgot how to use my camera.

On to round 2!
I'll begin with two decent shots. These were taken inside at a wine tasting room. They're still a bit dark and yellow, but they're passable for a family photo album.

First we have my Dad and Preston.

Wait, did I say TWO decent shots? I meant ONE decent shot and another shot where we get to see how chubby Tracie is getting.
Winter = Food = Hibernation = Chubby.
Now go away.

Good God. With those cheeks you would think my brothers' names are Alvin, Simon, and Theodore.

What's that? You're surprised to see me at a wine tasting room? You're new around here aren't you...

On to my cousin's wedding rehearsal. The church LOOKED well lit at first glance...but I quickly discovered one had to be very near to a window to get any usable light.

And here is our first instance of "Find The Spot Tracie Is Focusing On". The danger of the lens I was using is when I have the aperture open all the way, the depth of field is SOOO thin. So, even though Ron is in focus (Hi Ron!) Tate is not.

Say hello to my Uncle Bob.

What's the matter Uncle Bob? You look...uncomfortable. Oh! You're just trying to figure out why I'm shooting through a lemon pie aren't you? Although, I think in this case it's a lemon raspberry pie.

Our final shot from the rehearsal is one of Julie and her Dad practicing their walk down the aisle.

It's actually kinda sweet...

And this final group of photos feature my mom and some of her friends. Let's take a look and see if you can figure out what they're doing.

Figure it out yet? No, it's not bridge. Or bingo.

This is my Mom and an old friend. Wait...not "old". A friend that's been a friend for a long time. Sorry Joel. Apparently my grammar is confusing today.

Hey Mom...what conspiracy are you cooking up here? You really should stop talking behind peoples' backs.
(is that punctuation even close to being correct??)

So have you figured it out yet? Will this help?

If you guessed anything other than square dancing...well, I can't help you.

That's right. My mother square dances. And these are a few of her friends that square dance with her.

Don't they look like they're having fun?

She'll likely kill me for posting these photos.

I don't see why though. Aren't they cute?!

Hi Mom! I'm glad you don't read this unless I tell you to!

And I'm certainly not going to tell you at least until after Christmas.

Look out! The paparazzi has been caught!

(Is paparazzi the plural form of something? Like paparaz or paparazza? Is there a singular form of the word to indicate only ONE crazed and annoying photographer?)

I had to run away at this point. Old people don't like their picture taken.

Did I just say that out loud?

Kidding Mom! (and all you crazy square dancin' folk) See why I'm not telling you about this until after Christmas? I don't want coal!

So, did I successfully distract you from how bad those pictures actually were? I tried. Though, looking at all of those yellow pictures makes me want some lemon pie now.

Stay tuned (if you dare) for Oregon - Part 3!

AKA "The only halfway decent photos from the Oregon trip so it'll be a short post cause there weren't that many."


Oregon - Part one

Alternate titles:

"How NOT to photograph the Oregon Coast."

"The worst pictures I've taken since I bought my camera."

"Clean your sensor lady!"

So remember when I told you I would be sharing photos of my trip to Oregon? The post where I said that I just had to do some minor adjustments before posting them? Well, that's only true if:

Minor Adjustment = Totally New Pictures

The only reason I'm still going to post these is so you all can see how NOT to take a photograph. My settings were so out of whack (apparently seawater affects my brain) that most of these are barely suitable for viewing on the interwebs.

But since I'm all about honesty, we'll see a few of them anyway. Just don't say I didn't warn you...

Now. Let's go exploring.

What is that? Can anyone tell? Is that a rat?

I think... I think...

This lovely seagull was probably sleeping until I started bothering it. But once I explained that I was taking its picture to illustrate our first lesson, it was more than happy to pose all pretty-like.

Lesson #1 - Fill your frame with your subject. We weren't even sure what it was in those first couple of photos. I would have liked to have gotten even closer but was afraid for my eyes.

Moving on...

At first glance that photo isn't awful right? Not great but passable. Look again. (Don't be afraid to click on them and make them bigger...makes it that much easier to see the flaws)

Lesson #2 - Keep your sensor clean. Ok ok, so you don't have to really worry about this with a handy dandy point-and-shoot. But for those of us that change lenses on a frequent basis...obviously this is a necessity.

Here. Another example.

It's kinda like a seek and find game!

Except the answers are glaringly obvious.

Woah! What is that thing! Is that a giant squid!?

No no...relax dear readers. It's just a large clump of bull kelp. I LOVE this stuff. The kelp have little "floaters" or air pockets. Once it's washed up on shore, you can step on those air pockets and they snap very satisfyingly. Kinda like giant bubble wrap.

You think I'm joking? Ask anyone that's been to the coast with me. They'll affirm the amount of child-like joy I get from the simple activity of jumping on the kelp air pockets.

Alright. Here is one where my subject is less than thrilled.

Just a side note. I love those sunglasses. (I don't care WHAT you say Larry)

What I DON'T love is this. See? That seagull shaped blur in the sky? Well, sometimes it looks like a bird. Maybe I'll just claim it's a plane.

Oh NO! Look out Preston! That giant squid is going to get you!

Heh. Sorry. I couldn't resist.

How about this picture? It's great right?


Lesson #3 - Don't be afraid to edit your images. This one would actually be pretty simple. I could easily crop that stupid smudge out of the photo and it would probably be better for it even in all around composition. Though I kinda like the expanse of sky in this one...

The following simply suffer from a lack of proper exposure. Sure, you can edit things later...but these were barely usable.

Seriously? I HATE that thing!

Lesson #4 - Learn how to use your camera!

This next one is a perfect example of our fifth and final lesson.

Lesson #5 - Mid-day = bad lighting on a beautiful sunny day. Trust me. See their faces?


Ok and this next one...

Wait a sec. How did a decent one make it through? I'm sorry, apparently we have 6 lessons today.

Lesson #6 - Even the blind squirrel finds a nut now and then. In other words, a little luck is necessary when you disregard all of the rules of photography like I did.

If you take one thing from this post I hope it's an understanding of the fact that I did no justice to the Oregon Coast in these photographs. If you take two things from this post I hope the other is that I'm in no way a professional photographer and you probably shouldn't follow my advice.

I mean, I certainly don't.

Stay tuned for Oregon - Part two!

(or "How NOT to photograph in low lighting")