Because Pirates just ARE, ok?

Ahoy Google Crew,

We be writin’ t’ let ye know how disappointed we be with the newest update t’ Gmail. Yar, it be true yer crew has provided helpful updates t’ this popular email program in the past, but we feel ye ‘ave missed yer mark this time. Aye, we be greatly distressed t’ see the inclusion o’ a Ninja theme but a lack o’ a Pirate Theme available with the other new themes. It may e’en be enough t’ make one think that the Google Crew is pro-Ninja.

As ye may be aware, the' battle between Pirates and Ninjas be still bein' waged. While we understand that thar be individuals that will pick sides, we caution ye t' be careful which side ye choose. While the question o' who be better, Pirates or Ninjas, be not easily answered, we hope that ye will understand that leavin' Pirates out o' yer theme choices be a grave business mistake.

Not only have Pirates been around longer than Ninjas (thar have been pirates since the first person built the first boat), Pirates be far more commercially successful than Ninjas. Take, for example, the recent success o' a certain group o' movin' pictures. These stories followed the' legends o' me brethren in the' Caribbean and were such a success we have had trouble with the' sheer number o' impersonators.

When was the last time thar was such a successful Ninja movin’ picture? Let alone three. Ninjas only be havin’ a few teenaged turtles that talk. In our opinion, turtles are good fer nothin’ but soup.

Yar, while Ninjas be admittedly good at hidin', a Pirate has no need t' skulk around in the shadows. We be open about our business and people fear us enough t' surrender merely upon the sight o' our flags upon the horizon. This, me buckos, be true intimidation.

We implore you t' end this discrimination immediately. The Pirates be demandin' thar own theme as well. We think we’ve made more than enough o' an argument t' prove our deservedness. We thank you in advance for your consideration and hope that when we pass you in the street we’ll be able t' give you a buckoly “Ahoy Mate!”.

The wind be always in yer sails,

(Pirates Against Ninja SupremacY)

Google has made a grave error in the new themes that they offer. They've designed a ninja theme...but no pirate theme.

That hurts Google...that really hurts.


Larry said...

So, what you are saying is that I need to change my theme from "Ninja" to something much more neutral?

Kristi said...

Brilliant!! Arr, way ta tell off th' landlubbers, ye PANSY! :)

Austin said...

Great post. Very funny, especially the part about turtles. I'd like to say that I haven't chosen a side in this war yet, however my Gmail account is set to the Ninja theme, at least until a pirate one comes out. Ninja supporter or not, I am against the folks at Google discriminating against anyone, or choosing sides, and do wish that they could get a pirate theme.

Rupa said...
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Rupa said...
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Kylie said...

O my gosh thats really funnny! hahaha wow well i would love a pirate theme too :) that would b greattttt!!!